Journal Notes from Me to You There is no Shame in knowing Why

There is no Shame in knowing Why

04/20/2022


Is shame holding you back from digging into the truth about your clutter habits? I understand that feeling!

My clutter came through my spending habits.  I had a lot of shame about how much money I had spent on stuff that didn't serve me in any way at all,

When I was single, I dated Walmart and Winners on lonely Friday nights on the way home from work.  I would give them money in exchange for mostly useless trinkets that brought me a moment of joy (that I bought only on sale because I was a "hero" for not paying full price).  Then later in my marriage, I had a lot of shame regarding how much of my husbands' money I spent unwisely.  My purchases were impulse-driven and filled a very short-term need and had become habitual.

Even though I had started working on decluttering my home, shame stopped me from addressing how it had gotten so cluttered with my stuff.  I stopped spending because I wanted to be honourable to my marriage but it certainly became a whole lot easier when I gave myself the simple freedom to know WHY I wanted to spend.  When I realized mostly I wanted to fill an emotional need it was so much easier to say no, not right now.

Being AWARE of your whys, and your motivations is data about yourself.  Data is information that will help you shape decisions that align with your true desires and goals going forward.  Honestly, it's a superpower and a tool when really used.

You can't change the past.  You can be remorseful but you really need to forgive your old (hurting) self and unanchor yourself from the shame.  Shame stops you from growing and changing -- full stop!

Giving yourself time to think about your spending habits and questioning why, when or how you spend is good!   As mentioned above, I spent a lot when single because I was lonely, that was my trigger.  I spent when I was married because I was engrained in that habit of shopping for entertainment.  I bought on-sale items only, because that justified the purchase, somehow making it more honourable.

So, I have learned to question myself when I am looking to spend, am I filling an emotional need - is it a self-love purchase instead of a real need.  Then I check myself, am I buying this because I like the price tag but don't actually love or need the product? (hello winners clearance and Ikea return sales)

Psst... there is nothing wrong with walking out of a store empty-handed, I was in my 40's when I learned that.

Here are a few of the other data points I have also learned about myself 🤯:

  • not having a new outfit for every spiffy occasion didn't affect how good of a time I had 
  • dropping down to one car was doable (but it did rock my identity for a while and we had to plan and be flexible with each other)
  • choosing not to have a Tim Horton coffee on every car ride made me love & support my local roaster and I learn that I had great pleasure in making coffee at home
  • Winners is not my happy place, the after pain with less money for better things is not worth it anymore
  • not having all the Streaming subscriptions doesn't stop me from finding something to watch on just the couple we kept
  • magazine subscriptions were not missed at all!  I was addicted to the glossy covers and the joy of picking them up from the mailbox, but many times I didn't get around to reading them - then the clutter hangs about and that weighed on me

Really I want you to understand that Shame will pop up first to try and stop you from going further down your path of Clutter Liberation.  But you need to know the truth about how you got here so you can course correct.  I urge you to forgive yourself when shame rears its ugly head and keep digging for your truths so that you can use that superpower to let go of the stuff you need to let go of and change your steps to maintain your freedom.

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Welcome to Nest Feathers. 

I value all things HOME and at the heart of it, I value peace and good flow. Room to be, and room to grow.  That means we have to continually let go of stuff that we've collected and used in due time.  I help you get over the hurdles where you are stuck, with encouragement, wisdom, insight, and action.

I am your Declutter Coach,
Diane Berkers

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